July 31, 2013

So we all went out to dinner for my best friend’s birthday. It was a lot of fun, and the food was so good. She loved the present I managed to put together for her, so I’m very happy. Didn’t have to heart to tell her that her actual present never made it, so I just kept my mouth shut. Normally I’ll see her in September, so I’ll give it to her then.

I get to work another 6 hours on Friday, not bad.

The only thing that brought me down tonight, were the questions. People asking me why I’m still with him, not understanding how I can forgive an “obvious gesture like this”. They meant of course that his not coming here somehow proved he didn’t care enough. I tried explaining how it’s the alcoholism talking there and not him, but they couldn’t quite grasp it. Not even when I showed them how their own boyfriends do the same thing with cocaine. They just have the luxury of having him in the same town, and not on the other side of the world. Message not received.

I’m exhausted. And I drank wine, probably a bottle, so I’m a little slow in the head. This is barely a buzz, but it feels like such a waste. I just wanted to drink so much more, but I have to save for when I’m out there in an unknown country. For all I know I’ll have to pay for my own ride to the house.

I feel a bit lost.


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