March 3, 2013

I had a nap this afternoon, after which I woke up with a stinging feeling in my throat. Suddenly, for a split second, I listened to my body. Paid attention to what it was telling me. It felt like I was pretty well fucked. Muscle ache, throat ache, tongue ache, tooth ache, belly ache, everything ache. When did this all start? And how come I never felt any of this as it started? A big part of the confusion was that I could tell these little aches had been there the whole time. And they went away when I stopped focusing on them. But as soon as I listened for them, they were back.

This is still the case, but how do I function or sleep while listening for aches? It’s not like any of these have any kind of fixing. So I don’t listen, I just dabble on.
I’m at the ass end of my period, and my spirits are down. I don’t want to be here. Away from my boyfriend, away from where I want to be and what I want to do. I’m so sick of this. It needs to happen but I’m so sick.

I really need to break this down into attainable goals. This internship is just two more weeks. After that, I’m enrolled in a two-week international program with workshops and lots of fun, basically. Then I get a break. A break from all this. A break from life as I know it, a break from responsibility. I get to escape and breathe.